Our church has been talking about sex.
Yep…you read that right….SEX!! Are you uncomfortable yet? Or maybe you’re intrigued because just that word alone holds power, mystery and layers of meaning.
Goodness gracious. Talk about stirring the proverbial pot. Come on, is it really necessary?
When I heard that we were jumping into this subject for a month, I was annoyed. I didn’t want to hear a man talk about something so personal from the pulpit…in, um, mixed company. I have been there and done that…and it never went well for me. I have memories of uncomfortable sermons where shame was used to control “bad behavior” and the list of no! no! no! was long. I have squirmed with awkward tension as humor was used in a sensational way while talking about the sacred. I have felt the blast of failure as duties were listed. I have tasted the bitterness in my mouth as wounds opened again. I have experienced the scorch of the spotlight on my heart as the buried secrets became exposed.
In a nutshell, the subject of sex can be painful and scary. But why? [my thinking side acknowledges that there must be something broken here. I know this is not a good thing…and yet, why burn your hand on a hot stove? Avoid. Avoid. Avoid! right?].
I {dragging my feet, I tell you!} approached this series with guarded skepticism and massive temptation to sleep late and “miss” church (oops! somehow my alarm clock wasn’t working…) until we were back to safer ground. But no, God and my husband weren’t having any of that.
And…as I sat with rigid backbone, I felt a melting as words of hope and truth poured out from the mouths of humble men who gently shared God’s heart.
This place of guarded ice, huge assumptions, massive brokenness began to shift as I tuned my heart towards the beauty of what God says about me. It’s very personal, you see.
Your story is different, but the message is the same: YOU’RE IMPORTANT, YOUR PAIN MATTERS and HEALING IS POSSIBLE.
I have been reminded that He wired me for connection. This desire to connect fuels everything. And just like anything, it can be corrupted and tainted. And it has been, over and over again. However, the feminine stamp that God placed on me is His beauty expressed. There is no darkness found in what He created. Moving towards redeeming His creation is the essence of the Gospel. That IS the Good News. We can live rescued lives, where freedom to enjoy the benefits of His creation is known and blessed.
Why is this so hard? because IT.IS.COMPLICATED and, trust me, everybody has some kind of junk in this area.
Our culture has hijacked sex (along with our femininity or masculinity) and made it one dimensional and cheap, with no strings and no consequences. The church, historically, has also hijacked sex and made it dirty or duty.
BOTH are corrupt and broken and both leave bloody wounds and a trail of sorrow. Bondage and slavery.
But what if we shift our thinking, there in that secret place. What if we see intimacy in a whole new powerful way, no matter what season of life we’re living in. What if we choose to heal and experience something profoundly deep?
Where does that start?
In this series on The Theology of Sex, the idea of AUTHORITY is overarching. And honestly, this is where I have felt pretty sore. My buttons are pushed here. Just the word gives me cold chills.
Yes, I have authority issues. It’s true {because I know what I know and I can do what I want!}. I’ve been working hard, all of these years, to be Autonomous. That’s right, I don’t want to need anyone, answer to anyone, submit to anyone. Because, you know…that’s dangerous. Right? But therein lies the rub. The struggle goes back to the way I’m wired by my Creator. He designed me to need relationship, to crave intimacy under His authority. But self protection leads me towards being self governed where I reject His plan, His gift. Oh golly, what a mess.
So, we must look at our perspective of authority, whether single or married. To whom do we submit our hearts and bodies?
Ephesians 4:16-24
He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against Him.
They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.
But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
When we hoard or exploit our hearts and bodies, living as if they are ours alone in autonomy, we are living as a lost person with closed minds and hard hearts. But in Christ, under His authority, we have freedom to enjoy His gifts, whatever they are, as righteous and holy…with no sense of shame, not as the lost have in deception, but because there is none.
Connection, without shame. Sounds like Eden to me. Sounds like what HE intended all along. As we seek Jesus and invite Him into all of the broken places we desperately try to cover, he replaces those flimsy fig leaves with His precious blood. And it’s under that blood (which establishes His authority), the healing comes and redemption is tasted as a appetizer for eternity.
Lists of duties, do’s and don’ts won’t bring freedom. But under HIM, His protection and authority, we will find rest and healing. Don’t be discouraged if this is a struggle, you’re not alone. It’s been going on since the fig leaves were stitched together in that first mad dash to self-protect. But He knows where you are, sees where you’re hiding and He’s seeking you anyway with eyes brimming with grace.
Be found.
created to bloom 