Seeds {to bloom}: Fallen

There is a “grove” of massive pecan trees on our old property. They give lovely shade in the summer and produce a harvest every other fall. They look so strong. But they tend to snap off large branches in unpredictable ways. We’ve had a car crushed; a building disfigured; a fence maimed; landscaping wiped out. We have trained our kids to run, run as fast as they can, if they hear strange popping sounds because that means something might be coming down. And one of those would be deadly.

Recently, I came home to find a gigantic heavy limb stretched across my driveway. After the initial surprise, I felt the old rush of aggravation over the big fat jumble left to deal with.

Fallen. Fallen branches bring so much mess and headache and they’re useless. Separated, they can’t produce shade or harvest anymore, only fuel for a bonfire now.

When we are separated from God we are like a snapped limb, disconnected from the tree. Only a mess remains.

We do live in a fallen world, where danger and evil and death are realities. That all got started at a tree. We live everyday under the shadow of disconnect and the consequence of broken.

We, too, are fallen, a broken, jumbled-up wreckage when we seek autonomy from the source of Life. We can’t offer shade or harvest when we are not connected to Him. We can’t really live, only exist.

Yet, unlike my pecan trees, we have the hope of redemption, of a miracle. Of finding connection through a sacrifice made on another tree, the Cross where Jesus died to carry all my brokenness and allows for the connection I need to Live.

When we are connected to Him, we are free to grow and do what we were created to do. We benefit from His strength. And because of that, there are times when He prunes us back, cutting off anything that is stealing Life, halting growth or robbing purpose. Because He loves us, He takes care. But the connection is always worth the pruning.

Are you connected to the one who gives Life?

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned.” John 15:5-6

“My Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.” John 15:1-2

Seeds {to Bloom}: Paper Cups

Coffee is just a drink, right?
Even as I typed that, I can “hear” the gasps of dismay from some of my dear friends.
For many, this roasted bean brewed to liquid sanity, holds a sacred place. But is it the drink or something deeper that’s been tapped into in our culture?
As I sit here with my venti, I am thinking of the craving that’s deeper than the caffeine and smooth liquid goodness.
My cravings for community, experience, joined moments, consistency, stability, comfort, peace, pleasure…

Who wired us to crave anyway? And are we seeking satisfaction, true satisfaction, from things that vanish as quickly as a drained paper cup?
And, honestly, is satisfaction a legitimate possibility for us? Or do those cravings remind our souls that we were designed for Eden, a place where satisfaction was possible before greed broke creation.
And now, the gnawing needs can serve the purpose of propelling us towards eternity, where creation will be restored or towards a place of endless frustration and disappointment. Recognizing that the craving is a whispering reminder of our design and finding joy in the gifts rather than seeking Hope from them can change everything.
Family. Relationships. Recognition. Security.
Touch. Connection. Love….{endless endless things}.
Legitimate cravings and precious gifts, all broken. They can be enjoyed, rejoiced in, savored, appreciated…but they will never fully fill the empty spots. They can’t.
Only your Designer, the Creator of all good gifts will fill that spot. And even that is broken by our fractured nature until we see His face. Someday we will be satisfied {oh glorious day!}.
We were all made to crave. What are you craving today? Does it reveal a deeper longing in your soul? Are you able to enjoy the gift without seeking Hope from it, loving it more than its Creator?

“Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.” 1 John 2:15-17

Seeds {to Bloom}: Weed Wednesday

ANGER.

The sting of knowing that someone was speaking lies, spreading rumors, and discrediting my character planted a burning anger right in the middle of my soul. I could feel the spread of indignation as I rehearsed rebuttals and slashing come-backs in my mind. This anger, justified, became a consuming weed. Growing thick and fast, anger consumed grace.

This could be the first emotion we feel as humans, being yanked from our mother’s comfy womb and into our cold and jarring world of unknowns. Anger is natural, but so are weeds.

Anger isn’t a sinful emotion, yet it certainly can become one as it sifts insecurities, presses into bruised spots, steps on pride, and exposes our lack of control.

God gets angry, we inherited that trait from Him as image bearers. Yet, His anger is Holy, fueled by injustice and depravity. He is righteously angry at what moves His creation away from Truth and beauty and towards destruction.

I have felt that sort of anger, as a mother, when harm comes to my children by their own foolishness or from the dark intent of another. And that fury isn’t pretty. Even my “righteous” anger is tainted with The Fall and stained with sin. Anger comes fast, spreads quickly, grows roots of bitterness and smothers beauty if we’re not vigilant. Like a gardener who attentively scans the crop for invading weeds that can sap the soil and choke out the life-giving produce, we too must stay alert and deal quickly with our anger.

How is anger manifesting in you? Time to do some weed pulling?

“And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil…

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them…

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:26-27; 29; 31-31

Seeds {to Bloom}: broken panes

You know that icky feeling when you’re worried, distracted, consumed, almost desperate with a real concern, but are impotent to help or console?

I am feeling that. I have felt it before, the waves of sick as the frailty of life plants solid into the current moment and changes everything.

Like an old window, with duct-tape-fixed broken glass, being useless to shelter and block pain reveals the reality of our condition. We’d like to deny this powerlessness, as we scramble to fix and solve. And yet…here we are, not in control at all.

So, what do we do with this helpless estate?

Trite answers don’t soothe. Plastic clichés can’t heal.

Zeroing our focus in on the One who has the answers and can deliver Peace in the midst of the horror, where everything and everyone else fails, is the miracle. This trust, birthed in blindness and wrapped with unknowns, is the gift that steadies the heart in Hope.

Bowing low, knowing flimsy solutions are not strong enough to hold the suffering, and choosing to know His strength is far greater than enough. His story is greater than what we could compose, even if we never really understand.

“But He knows every detail of what is happening to me; and when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold!

I have stayed in God’s paths, following His steps. I have not turned aside.” Job 23:10-11

Praying for the hurting today, asking for His strength to produce endurance and trust in the valley. He sees you, His panes aren’t broken, and knows every detail of what you’re going through.

Weed Covered Shack

The struggle has been real.

Over the past few months there has been a situation that has allowed me to build a secret space in my heart, crowded over with vines and brambles. This place is scary, dark, and cold. I don’t want it there, but I also have been guarding it closely and protecting it’s existence. I have hoarded my “right” to this space, believing that it was built on principles. Now, I’m seeing that this ugly and useless ruin has been funded by fear and pride.

On the surface, my angst is a bit silly. I can logically see that I don’t have much cause for the worry and anger this has produced. When I do talk about it, in the name of venting, I can hear my voice speaking acidic words and it makes me sick with myself. What I thought was one little room is now becoming my dwelling, a hollow place where I’ve squatted alone, sulking over something that isn’t my cause.

Yesterday, I wrote about proverbial weeds in our garden. My counseling practice, my blog, my Facebook group is all themed around growing and blooming, so I wanted to write about how weeds take root in us. Obviously, weeds choke the bloom, stunt growth and eventually kill purpose. The parallels are clear.

As I was writing about Fear, the first weed I wanted to highlight, my heart was feeling pressed with conviction. Shortly after I finished, I raced off to church where the youth pastor was teaching about fear.  Fear clearly expands the dark spaces in our hearts with territorial authority, like kudzu, devouring anything in it’s path. Why are we letting something so destructive to take up this much space? Why do I choose to camp here, with no comfort.

On the surface, the issue that I’ve been wrestling with doesn’t seem to have anything to do with fear. But as I dig a little deeper, it seems my judgements and reactions trigger a fear of losing place and value. This jealousy has been cloaked behind self-righteousness and indignation and has been justified as Biblically correct. What started out as holy concern has turned into simmering anger as counsel was ignored. Yes, pride is certainly part of the invasion. I am ready to dismantle this creepy weed-shack and move back into dwelling in peace and equipped to love. This journey must begin with rejoicing in my standing as a child of God, then repenting of my unbelief and choice to crouch in darkness. Without getting some perspective on my secured future for eternity, it’s easy to stay confined within the dark walls of here and now, feeling trapped and defeated. Demolition will require some chipping away at hurt mortared with justification as His love begins to fund the project. Without His kindness, leading towards repentance, obedience to move towards grace would be impossible.

My prayer today:

Lord, you know that I’ve been hiding. I’ve been hunkered down in the corner of this dark place and I’ve been sinful in my anger towards other’s who love you. I have felt justified, deceived into believing that I was representing your will. Instead of trusting that you are fully capable to work in their lives, I have felt entitled to my seething. I am sorry, sorry for turning towards fear and pride instead of You. I am sorry that I have hurt You by speaking words of disdain about your children. I am sorry that my trust was so small that I carried the weight of something that isn’t mine to carry. I am sorry that I have hurt people by my judgement and created distance in relationships. Please equip me to repent of these offenses towards You and those I’ve wounded. The sting of humiliation often slows healing and I ask for your help and guidance as I move towards obedience. Your grace for me is so profound and beautiful, help me to be an instrument of that same grace. I don’t want this dark place to have room anymore, I need your tools to tear it down and replace it with a dwelling that invites. Thank you for your discipline, for loving me enough to call me away from this lonely place of fear and sin. I love you.

Seeds {to Bloom}: other wounds

When other’s choices have a string tied to us, bringing consequences and pain that we didn’t invite, it can bore down deep. The bitter taste of another’s failure and selfish decisions can stay trapped in the soul, tainting perception and breeding dark.

Wounds can fester, getting infected and rotting the flesh, further hurting, and eventually destroying the wounded.

Sometimes we tailspin from what would seem as a minor cut: a hurtful word, rejection, not being understood, a mistake, sharp tone, confrontation, thoughtlessness, disdain, feeling forgotten. The list is long. Yet, the heart can lockdown like a fortress lickedysplit. These little slices can become bloody messes in no time without attention and a full measure of grace to bring the soothing.

The deeply gouging cuts leave the bloodied with a lifetime of choosing to heal and keeping the wound clean and free from debris. Daily, the scarred memories shape choices towards dark or light. The journey is not painless and yet the healing is beauty to a world that bleeds profusely.

We are here, connected to Him & each other, by His design. Are you receiving His grace in the deepest places of your hurt and disappointment?

“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15

The Big Picture

The little puzzle held meaning, given as a gift and treasure by a traveling sister long ago to a childhood friend of mine. This puzzle has been incomplete for many years now, just waiting lonely and forgotten until rediscovered just recently. My friend pondered the sweet puzzle, seeing its dysfunction, and thought about tossing it away. The sentimentality held her back as she remembered the love and connection it represented and warmth it stirred.

She was amazed to find the missing piece, just three days later, mixed up in attic boxes.

One small piece. An insignificant thing all on it’s own, yet needed to form the big picture. 

How often in our own lives have we forgotten, rejected, lost, moved on, or discarded an important piece of our bigger picture for one reason or another? Many times, in the name of self-protection, we deny crucial parts of our story because we falsely believe that it negates our value. Perhaps we stuff a piece of ourselves away like random bits stored in attic boxes.

Memories, history, relationships, words, mistakes, thoughts, sin, pain, regret, abuse, loss….locked up, jumbled together, and sealed in the dark. Needed parts to a bigger story that should be looked at, made useful, and seen as a treasured gift.

For years, I tucked away the shame of failing, a perceived chronic disappointment and frustration to every adult, friend, and certainly God. I always fell short and chose to escape my inadequacy by occupying an imagined space rather than live present where I was. Feeling like I was flawed and fractured, I believed I was not useful, lovable, or needed. I detached from connection and stayed protective of my heart. This is how our enemy works, to deceive us into hiding. Hiding the pieces of our design, pain, and failures, defrauds the Author from His glory and robs the world of the big picture called redemption.

An authentic relationship with Jesus began to shine light into my dark corners and reveal His image stamped on me, making the bigger picture of my purpose come into focus. His grace shapes everything as I move towards Truth. He has been patiently unwinding the painful and twisted lies around my heart and exposing the gifts that have been buried under shame.

I’m a big fan of story. This completed puzzle tells a story and it resonates because a recovered long-lost piece is something to celebrate. It’s especially special when that finally completed puzzle reminds the holder of a connection to the giver.

When our pieces are all there with no shame, unveiling the big picture, it reminds us of the Giver. The connection brings beauty to the mundane and messy and hope to a fractured and lost world.

Your story matters, do you have all the pieces?

Grace and Scars: Broken Girl {as shared by Leah}

This painful {oh, so painful and raw} sharing is important, it tells of a journey from terror into light. This precious young woman exposes herself and risks a great deal, not to bring fame to shame but to bring fame to the Restorer of the shattered.

I share this story of a fellow WordPress blogger because so many {way too many} women suffer with their battered and bruised souls and bodies in silence and miss the pilgrimage towards healing grace. Her words, her experience is powerful and stirs hope.

I am thankful for her story becoming a bigger story of beauty made from ashes.

Don’t miss her story HERE.

Seeds {to Bloom}: running away

Done.

Ever feel like packing up your bags and running away?

The impulse is fairly normal as many of us imagine that life might be better under different circumstances. We fantasize and believe that happiness will come when we flee and start over, where we can rewrite the script and live, finally, free.

That’s a big fat lie. There is no freedom in running.

What we may not realize is that those bags we pack contain the pain and darkness that we think we’re running from and they only get heavier.

Some really leave. They literally run away, make excuses and justify the self-centered choice to abandon commitments. Some stay physically, with resentment, and hide away inside their hearts, refusing to engage and growing bitter. Either way, it’s running.

Of course, there are times when fleeing is appropriate.

2 Timothy 2:22-23 “Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.”

Yeah, run from that stuff.

What life does God call us to? Running from darkness and running towards Him and loving others more than ourselves. It’s pretty simple. And we are also called to persevere and hold tight, counting the hard times and struggle as a blessing…not something to run from, but to trust through.

James 1:12 “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”

Yes, it’s hard. But life is not better somewhere over the rainbow and you’re not alone. He can give you wisdom and strength. Will you trust Him?

Seeds {to Bloom}: Pushing against the wind

Pushing against the wind.

The gusts were powerful this morning as I moved through the packed parking lot, my hair whipped and the cold dug deep. I was in a hurry to reach stillness and I had to push against the invisible force to make progress.

The wind is unpredictable and it’s strength is full of danger and power. There is no controlling the wind.

Likewise, there have been times when I was subject to my circumstances and I was powerless to control or alter their course. I found myself pushing against the pain and disappointment, bent forward in sheer determination to regain control, to quiet the howling inside, to deny the strength of the ache.

Being still within the wind is risky. And yet, it is in that place that we must quiet our quest for control and lean into the One whose command can quiet the wildest storm or equip us to face it.

Are you fighting hard to stand up straight, while the winds of sorrow and life whip against you? He sees your struggle. He knows your storm. He hears your cry.

Lean into HIM.

“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper, the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm and He guided them to their desired haven.” Psalm 107:28-30